NIKA

Die, the Psychic Guitarist

This had to be the place Kyo [ It's all in "Kaoru and The Pinky Kid"] had been talking about. The place where he had bought Kaoru's birthday present. Die noticed a pleasant buzz in his head from the earlier consumed alcohol when he studied the small entrance and nodded to himself. Alright, in we go, he thought although he was all alone. Inside it was a clean and somewhat sterile atmosphere, no one was behind the counter to call the usual "Irasshai!" in his direction. A very strange calm seemed to linger in the shop and it was cool, despite the hot night outside. In the shelves were bottles, boxes and little bags in numerous colors. Some of tem were seemingly empty, other bottles were filled with beautiful shimmering liquids. One of them drew his attention Inside the bottle was a purple-violetish liquid, and he could swear that deep inside there was a soft pulsating glow. It looked delicious all the way. He simply had to have it, under all circumstances. A tiny note, written black on purple paper, was tied to the bottle. Die took it in his hands to get a better look. "Deep Insight," he read in a whisper. He felt a strong desire to taste this strange liquid, scrutinize it with his own senses, tickle his nose and let in melt on his tongue. Determined he looked around for someone to ask for the price of this exotic drink, when he suddenly noticed a woman beside him. She was somewhat ageless and neither Asian nor gaijin. She fell out of any definition. How did she get there? He hadn't noticed anyone just a split second before. "Ex...excuse me." The guitarist gulped but got a grip on himself. "How much is this?" "The price depends on what you are willing to give, Ando-san," was the gentle answer. "What I am willing to give?" Die wondered. The he realized she had called him by his name. "How do you know my name?" "Who doesn't?" She replied with a soft and amused smile. Die frowned. What did that mean? "Is that so?" Was all he could think of as a plausible reply, while he clung on to the bottle harder. The bottle, sure. That was all he had wanted in the first place. "What should I give you for the bottle then?" The red-haired guitarist looked into the strange yet somehow attractive face. "What do you have?" she inquired, while she steered him to the counter. Die finally parted from his dear bottle and searched his pockets. He pulled out some lose cash and his keys, in the end he even found his purse. He held his cash and credit-cards out to the lady, who only smiled and took his purse from his hands. While searching through it, Die mumbled "There is nothing in there. All the cash I have is here." She caught his eyes again and held a photo, tattered and worn. "This will do," her voice all friendly and soft. Die glimpsed at the photo with curiosity and a soft sensation of loss. A picture of himself and Kaoru, taken by a unknowing old lady who was passing by. Both of them unshaven, in normal T-shirts and pants. Smiling like toothpaste ads and giving a V-sign to the camera. He didn't even know why he had put this precise photo in his purse. Now it was gone. But he had the bottle of his desire, as he put the cash and credit-cards back into his purse, he realized suddenly that the woman was gone. Stumbling into his apartment he kicked out his shoes, already thinking about the liquid, which was destined to make him drunk in the most pleasant way. He flopped down on his couch, after he had gotten himself a glass. With care he opened the bottle, the cork came out almost by itself. The fragrance tickling his nerves was sweet, dark and beguiling. He poured the mysterious liquor into the prepared glass, while he took in the wonderful violet color. Sighing happily he tasted the first few drops, comparing it to the fragrance. It was exactly like that. Addictive. As he poured the next glass, he felt a new buzz in his brain, a different from the one that had settled there already. He had never felt any intoxication like this. No giggled erupted, just a general sense of wonder and somehow as if he was getting more sensitive and his hearing got better. He tried more of the intense substance and it made him feel alive in the most positive way. As he had cleared the last drop of the elixir, he felt swept away into another state of mind. And afterwards he remembered nothing. When he woke up the next morning he felt no hangover at all. No, he felt fresh and lively, jumping into a hot bath, singing out of key during the whole time. A wonderful breakfast followed the bath, while a smirk remained on his lips all the time. When he packed his guitar and stuff he noticed the empty bottle and smiled at it. It had been worth the price, he nodded to himself. The lost photo in his purse was forgotten and the memory replaced by the experience of drinking exquisite liquor. When he entered the run-down building with cheerfulness, he noticed that only few people were around, greeting him from afar. The red-head shrugged and energetically entered their respective practice rooms. Only Kyo and Shinya were present, sitting on the couch, heads stuck together and discussing something on the display of the note-book in front of them. "Good morning you two!" Die called out to them, startling the pair out of their calm reverie. Kyo blinked at him, then flashed him a smile as Die slowly came up to them: "Die, morning." Shinya answered with a more polite "Good morning." "What are you working on?" Die asked, returning Kyo's smile with one of his own, wide and curious. "Come and see for yourself, brainless baka." "What are you calling me?" Die call out in indignation. The eyes of the singer and drummer widened in puzzlement, "Huh?" they said in unison. A little silence spread before Kyo shrugged and returned to the screen in front of him. "Why is he standing around like a lamppost? Move a little, Die! Nice smell. Is that coming from Die? Who else is here? Hmm, need something to drink..." The guitarist heard from behind, he turned around to see who was there, staring right into the glasses of the bassist of Dir en grey, who uttered out a very meek and surprised "Good morning..." "Toshiya?!" "W...what?" "What did you just say?" Die inquired, their noses almost touching. "Good morning?" "No, before that!" "No...nothing," the poor man stuttered out. "Die can be really scary." Die backed a little and rubbed his eyes: "I'm sorry." Toshiya blinked, then he joined the others on the couch, exchanging good mornings and general information about games and stuff. Nothing unusual. I must be imagining things. Maybe it's some kind of hangover? I never had such liquor before, so maybe the day after is different too? He decided to set up his guitar instead of seeing joining the trio, earning him a perplexed glance from Shinya. Busying himself a little more, turning his back to the others, he suddenly saw himself confronted with a whole babble: "...given or taken, that will be about... 3 PM? What's the time now? Ack, forgotten my watch. And what about food? I'm hungry. Need a smoke. Man, I'm such an idiot, always the same. Wish I could just leave and crawl back into bed. Wait a minute! What about her...? Oh... it's Die..." "Kaoru?" The red-haired guitarist turned around to face the band-leader, who was seemingly very surprised. "Huh? Is something wrong, Die?" Die frowned and bit his lower lip. "I don't know. Maybe just a hang-over..." In the background he heard the snicker of Shinya and at the very same time he heard Shinya's voice: "He was too drunk to know if he's having a hang over or not. Typically Die." Something is not quite right here... Die thought. He looked at Kaoru, who was watching him intently, interested. Kaoru's voice said: "Is Die sick? Not again, I wanted to go through a few songs today. He should cut down on alcohol. Strange, he looks healthy enough. Maybe he just wants to skip practice? I want to hide somewhere dark and deep..." But his lips weren't moving. Good god...I can hear his thoughts! Die felt a little dizzy. He sank onto the plastic-chair and hid his face in his large hands. "Die, are you sick?" The concerned voice of his band-leader asked. "Oh, let him be alright..." he heard inside his head, new voices mixed into that: "didn't know it was that bad." "Why didn't he say something?" "He was smiling just then... What shall I do?" Aloud they were also worried: "Die say something, are you alright? Wanna throw up?" It was loud, unbearably loud. Desperately he pressed his hands to his ears. The talking stopped. But not the thinking. "What's up now?" "Is he seriously sick?" "Idiot." "What can we do? Should we get him to a doctor?" Die tried to reach the door, tried to get away from the thoughts, eyes pressed shut tightly. He only tripped over some chords lying on the floor and fell flat on his front. The others rushed to him, confusing thoughts and spoken out worries were nearly killing him. He writhed, his head was filled with so many information. . "Please, please... stop..." he whimpered, pitiable. The members exchanged looks. "Please go, all of you." Die could make out one clear order, and with thoughts like. "Wonder what's wrong with him." "Kaoru will fix it whatever it is...Poor Die, maybe he's in love?" and "Gotta get out of here, can't stand seeing him like this." Then they were gone. As soon as the door clicked shut, the flood of thoughts stopped, letting the red-haired man, curled up into a tight ball on the floor, breathe and realize who he was. And he sensed something else. His chest hurt a little. Also there was only one presence left, clear thoughts rang in his heads, but still they confused him, made him feel helplessly exposed to them. "Die?" In a soft voice Kaoru asked his friend, still curled up and not looking at him. "Die, what is wrong?" Before Die's eyes images flashed in many colors. An image of himself lying on the floor, all curled up. Himself sitting opposite to the band-leader making jokes about some wrestlers. Lying together on the floor of Kaoru's apartment while the TV radiated silent colors over them and the rain was unstoppable. All of the memories were overshadowed with a deep felt sensation of worry and...guilt? The red-head heard himself sob. I just want peace. "...please, please..." he begged, without even noticing that he did. "Die, I only want to help. Won't you tell me?" Die uncurled a little and made eye-contact with the older man, trying to transmit his defenselessness. "Do you want me to bring you home? Do you want to see a doctor?" His obviously best friend asked. "I can get home by myself. Just leave me alone, please." "You're too sick to get home alone, everyone can see that, Die." "Please leave me alone." "I can't do that while you're sick." "Can't you just call me? I drive home and you call me? How does that sound?" "I'm not going to let you drive in your state." That statement was also ringing inside of Die's head. The purple-haired man was really serious. Kaoru got up and extended a hand to him, which Die took to pull himself up. "You drive me home and leave me then?" Die asked carefully. Peace inside of his head was all he longed for. His own thoughts were confusing enough, but the other thoughts were worse than any torture. "Maybe." Kaoru stated. Shrilling inside Die was a loud "No way!!", but he couldn't change Kaoru's mind once it was set on something. When they went to the car-park, alien thoughts were running through Die's head, as if the ability was getting stronger. He could even hear the thoughts of people in the distance. Thoughts of what to get for dinner, thoughts of hate, the want to kill others and many many thoughts of lust and sex. He was unable to assimilate all the information, projections and voices, disorientated he stumbled against a wall, paralyzed by the might of the whirlpool of feelings boiling inside him. "Stop!" He screamed out in torture. Then his knees gave in and he passed out. When he opened his eyes again the voices were gone. He was in his bed, all was quiet, never had he been that relieved in his entire life. Turning with a deep sigh he felt his stomach grumble. Standing up he felt his own face and forehead. Yes, he was still the same old Die. He was the same as the day before? Maybe ha just had too much of the strange liquor and that had caused a weird nightmare? All this hearing other people think was too crazy to be true, wasn't it? He was no psychic or madman or magician or anything. He was a guitarist, a normal guy all the way. Never had he been able to read other people's thoughts before, why should he suddenly change? After this frightening dream he wondered why one could ever wish to know the thoughts of other people. Most of the time you didn't even know your very own thoughts. Thoughts were aimless and lacking the explicitness of speech. And they were never stopping, never resting... Better not know them at all. He heard keys unlocking hid apartment and as soon as the door opened he could hear it... Thoughts. "...wonder if Die's okay... maybe I should really call a doctor... Die..." "Nooooo..." he whimpered. All his hopes that his previous experiences were just a nightmare shattered into little pieces. Sighing he braced himself to see Kaoru. "Die, are you up?" And at the same time Kaoru's thoughts: "Didn't know he would wake up so soon..." Die hit his head against the wall repeatedly, trying to get rid of the alien voice of his friend inside. Small but strong hands tore him away: "Stop that, Die!" That was spoken with a lot of force, but on the inside a meek voice whispered: "He scares me, I'm so worried. What should I do? What?" What a difference between outside and inside. Die felt like crying: "Then make it stop." he begged. "Stop what?" "The thoughts in my head!" "Whaaaaat?" Kaoru grabbed Die's shoulders and shook him a little. Then he hugged Die tightly, almost crushing him. "Don't say things like that. Shut up, shut up...!" echoed in Die's head. He felt the grip getting even stronger. "I can hear your thoughts, Kaoru." He mumbled very low. "Maybe I'm getting mad, maybe I'm hallucinating, I don't know." Die wriggled out of Kaoru's grasp, feeling the need to get away from all humans, just to find peace. "All I know is that this is the worst day I ever had, I can't remember ever feeling this bad." "Hear my thoughts? Like how?" Kaoru whispered, his voice laced with disbelief. "Like... As if you were talking to me, exactly the same." Kaoru still doubted the words of his friend, but he had been confronted with his dead idol before, so he was a inclined to believe this absurd story. He looked into Die's tired eyes and tried a reassuring smile. "What am I thinking now?" Die sighed. No more other thoughts in his brain than his own, that was all he wanted now. But he had to convince Kaoru if he really wanted the help of the purple-haired man with the loud thoughts. The man with the newly acquired supernatural abilities tried to sort out the mixture of thoughts, his own, the ones he hadn't thought of and finally the ones of Kaoru. He really dived into them. His eyes widened in surprise. There were not only the loud thoughts but also gentle smooth ones, flowing more constantly, but also harder to understand. They were only fragments, impressions put into short idioms. "strong shoulder-line...close to me...so close...warm...touchable...the texture... my fingers could sense it..." Like the whisper of a soft current. The thoughts on the surface were more like "I'm really worried. Will he know what I'm thinking? What should I think? Hmm, maybe about my guitar? About the food I have bought? Wonder if he's up to Curry-Udon..." "You're thinking about what to think, food or guitar...And something about Curry-Udon..." Die mumbled, seeing the eyes of his friend grow big while he wondered about those other, softer thoughts, the ones that were always there. You really want to do that? With me? No way! Most thought I've heard were like that. Desire everywhere. I'm in no way better, I guess. Perchance it's just natural to think like that and sometimes those thoughts float to the surface? "You are right, you really can hear my thoughts..." Kaoru's voice was hoarse with realization and surprise. The band-leader took a short break in talking, but his thoughts said it all for him: "How? How did that happen? For how long has he been able to do that?" Die shrugged a little: "The only reason I can think of is that strange liquor I had yesterday." Kaoru eyes lighted up and then he looked around. "Where is it?" he asked, both aloud and inside his head. Die pointed to the empty bottle with the tiny note. The band-leader examined the empty thing with care, then he read the note. "...he drank it all, dammit. Typically Die. What is was stuff? It smells heavenly... Deep Insight? What a pathetic name." "Where did you get it?" "A strange store Kyo told me about. The one he got your birthday present from." Thoughts made a somersault inside Kaoru's head, only one main message reached Die: "Oh no!" "How...Why the hell did you drink this stuff?" Nonchalantly the red-haired shrugged again, making the band-leader sigh and in Die's head sounded: "Why do I bother to ask? Oh Die... Sometimes I wish you were a little more considerate," making the guitarist feel a little bad at once. I am like that , ne? Acting before thinking. He's just the complete opposite of me. Always thoughtful, considerate... Well, at least most of the time. "Where is this notorious shop? We should go there and ask for an antidote." Die held up his hands in a rejecting gesture: "I'm not gong out there again... Too many thoughts...too many," he stuttered his voice anxious, panic distorting his face. He heard frantic thoughts of his friend then a sudden calm. When he dared to look at Kaoru again, he saw one of those fantastic smiles widen on that well-known face. One of those never-fear-Kaoru-is-here-for-you smiles, giving Die a feeling of security and a sudden pang of loss, somewhere deep inside of him. "I'll take care of him. I always will as long as we are friends. I will make him happy again..." Those thoughts were warm and full of determination, bringing tears to Die's eyes, he thought of the photo he had given away so eagerly. Just for a drink. "Kaoru..." he breathed. "Don't worry. I'll find a way to get you back to normal. At least to what one regard as normal considering that it is Die, the infamous guitarist of Dir en grey, we are talking about in terms of normality." Kaoru gave him a goofy smirk, so typically for the band-leader, dissolving the serious ban-leader image into the one of a normal man with a lot of humor. Die's mouth went dry abruptly and he had to lick his lips, while he couldn't concentrate on the thoughts running through his head, neither his own nor the other. "So where is this shop?" Die told him in an almost drugged way, getting confused between thoughts and talk and his own feelings and the feelings of someone else. Kaoru nodded, wrote down the address, slipped the "Deep Insight" note inside his pocket and caught Die's hand between his own. "Wait here. Get a little rest. And there's still some Curry Udon waiting for you." Then he was gone. Die stared at the closed door. And felt lonely even though he finally had the peace he had ached for. Inside his head the silence was overwhelming. Kaoru entered the clean and somewhat sterile shop, looking out for the owner or anyone. He stood at the counter, taking in the strange objects and bottles that were lined up there, when he heard a voice behind him. "You must be Niikura Kaoru." He flashed around to face a woman, tall and slender, with long red curls. Her eyes were a warm light brown and smiled at him. "How do you know my name?" Smiling she held up a photo, old and worn, Kaoru recognized it immediately. "That is you, isn't it?" she asked. The band-leader nodded. "Also, one of your friends bought a present for you here." Kaoru nodded again. That very present always aroused conflicting emotions in him. Hide... the wild west... "We can not influence the way our customers use our products. How can I help you?" Kaoru gulped and took a deep breath. "Well, after the consumption of this liquid a friend of mine, the one on the picture, has developed a serious problem." "Let me guess... he can hear thoughts." The woman chuckled in a soft and benevolent way. "Exactly. Is there a cure?" "Time. And the heart. If he despairs the duration of the effect will extend, because the ability will be enhanced." "How long?" "How much has he consumed?" Her eyes seemed a soft green suddenly, examining Kaoru's face. "The whole bottle..." Kaoru felt like she was reading his thoughts as well. She seemingly saw no problem in that fact, since she changed the subject: "I was a little sad, you know." "Huh? I mean, sad about what?" Why did she tell him stuff like that? "Sad he gave you away with such ease." The strange woman caressed his cheek lightly. "He was eager to get rid of you. All the while I could sense the strong connection he had to the photo, but he didn't know. Poor Niikura Kaoru, your friend really needed some deep insights." Kaoru didn't know what to say. "Take care of him, or tell him to go to hell. He will heal either way. One way faster, one way slower. Our products are not made to last for long. But it will be hard to be around him, while it lasts... How to conceal your heart, soul and thoughts when he can hear them louder and clearer with every passing heartbeat?" Kaoru gulped again, his heart racing. He felt her hands touching his, opening them. He looked down on his hands, observing how she put the photo into his left palm. "Take that back to him. I cannot keep it any longer. It was never mine to begin with. Good luck." Kaoru stared at the smiling faces looking back at him, so carefree, so much to lose. Die...Die... "Thank y..." he tried to say to the woman, but she was gone and he stood in front of the shop, which was closed. Die was restless at home. He had eaten the Curry-Udon and tried to sleep. But he just couldn't. Now that his head was all his again he couldn't bear his own thoughts. They seemed so obsolete to him, like a book with seven seals, since he couldn't understand them. All made no sense. They lacked any kind of direction or motivation. As if the other thoughts had wiped them out and left only shattered fragments for him to find and make sense of. He wanted someone to find them for him, get him back in order... And every time his thoughts strolled that way, the Kaoru's face appeared before him. The way he sometimes softly smiled at his friend, as if it was their secret. And he couldn't help but answer with a smile of his own. I want this ability to stop. Yet I won't be able to hear thoughts and will be all alone on my head. They... he won't be there anymore. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I need. Please help me, someone. He fell out of his bed again, feeling like a tiger in a cage, searching for the way out, but knowing that he might not even recognize the exit even if he finally found it. He stopped to pull out his purse. Opening the worn out leather he felt that sensation of loss and grief once more. The photo was still missing, No Kaoru was smiling with him, being his friend, close to him, uncaring of his looks and image. Does that equal reality? Am I about to lose him, because of my foolishness? Did I give him away? Did I? For a drink? Kaoru?! I'm such an asshole! He sank to his knees and shook his head. When he heard the door open again, he turned around, ignoring thoughts about his welfare and grabbed the man in the doorframe to hug him closely. "Die..." Kaoru breathed. "Die? What is he doing? ..warm... So warm...he smells like he always does... calming.. I could stay right here for a long long time..." streamed through Kaoru's head. "Kaoru...?" Die whispered, Kaoru's thoughts were so clear in his head, giving him back some sense of direction and significance. "Hmm....Die?" Die thought about the lost, shining moment of their lives, the one he originally had wanted to treasure. "I gave us away...I'm sorry... Only for a bottle full of trouble..." "It's okay. Die. You didn't do any harm." "You sure? Are we still friends?" He listened inside his head, but he couldn't make out any thoughts despite his own. Kaoru had disappeared. So he had to rely on Kaoru's words only from now on? " Yes we are." The man before him said seriously, but then punched him softly with a goofy grin on his lips. "Of course, baka!" Die laughed and then revealed: "Kaoru, they're gone. The thoughts in my head are gone again." "Really?" "Un! All quiet up there." Die pointed towards his forehead. "Just like always, ne?" "Eeeeeeeeeeeh?! You'll pay for that!" Kaoru tried to make a sprint for the kitchen but was caught by strong arms and thrown over Die's shoulder. "Aw, let me down!" "Nope!" Die stomped into his bedroom and threw Kaoru on the bed. The latter was gasping for air but had a good assumption about what the red-head was up to and tried to escape again. But before he had a chance, he was caught in a tickle-attack. Pleading Die to stop, while writhing helpless under the merciless hands, Die laughed together with him, before he sank to the bed beside Kaoru. Silence covered the room in a soft cool sheet. The sun was setting, dust-particles danced in the golden light. "Kaoru?" Die's voice was somewhat husky. "Die?" "Do you really think I'm warm and smell good?" The older man blushed furiously and bit his lower lip. There was no use denying it, Die had seen it right in his head, hadn't he? But he didn't know what to say to Die, so all he uttered was a very meek: "Un." Die rolled around until he lay on top of his more than surprised friend, blinking up to him with shock-wide eyes. "Die...?" "Okay, here is what I think: I like the contrast between your soft mouth and your energetic chin. I think you are strong and can't help to long for your goofy smiles." Kaoru opened his mouth but remained speechless, captivated in more than one way by the eyes, lips and long body of his friend. "I'm glad you're here with me." Die finished in a soft whisper, smiling with all the gratitude he felt. With some spur of sudden power, Kaoru turned them both, so they lay on their respective sides, facing each other. "Where else would I be?" he asked delicately, not expecting any answer. Out of his jeans-pocket he pulled the worn and tattered photo, placed it into Die's hands. "This time take better care of it, ne?" But he never let the hands of his friend go. "And of you too, right?" Die asked. He freed one of his hands to let it explore the skin covering Kaoru's cheeks with infinite gentleness. The other man closed his eyes, touched and in longing. Die gave a short thought towards the deeper insights he had gained. Then he cuddled closer to the man beside him, not knowing if he should call him friend or lover or protector from now on. But he needed him more then he had ever fathomed. With a ragged voice but a soft smile hidden behind it, he mumbled: "I will, I promise you."

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